Yesterday Was Their Last Day
Today a teacher reprimanded a student for being a distraction – she didn’t yell or put him out of the classroom, but she got on to him for not being on his best behavior. Before lunchtime today, a student caused a scene in the hallway and exchanged words with the teacher who addressed her behavior. A hall monitor threw her hands in frustration around 3:45 p.m. this afternoon, because two students were skipping and ignored her directive to get to class.
So many issues happened today in every single school in this country. But one school won’t get to add today’s issues to tomorrow’s agenda. There will be no emergency faculty meeting at Robb Elementary in the morning. The end of year luncheon won’t happen. The last day of school photos won’t be captured. The well-wishes for summer break won’t be exchanged.
A school that a mere 24 hours ago was full of children laughing, drawings on the wall, name tents on tables and little feet walking in line – is now the scene of smeared blood, echoes of fear, evidence of chaos and even backpack and pocket items that weren’t given a thought before the horror.
Bodies of small children are so badly damaged that parents are being asked to provide hair samples and the like for identification purposes.
Yesterday was the last full day that 19 children in Uvalde, Texas existed as innocent and unassuming children. They ate food prepared by adults who cared for them. They played with toys familiar to them. They made funny faces. They tied their shoes. They laughed. They made TikTok videos with their older siblings. They begged or negotiated for something that their hearts desired.
Children are part of a more vulnerable demographic. While attentive to the behaviors and reactions of the adults around them, children are often naïve to many of the dark and evil intentions surrounding them. They may pay attention to active-shooter drills, but nothing can truly prepare a 10-year-old for a guided-reading to be interrupted by gunfire. How does a precious 4th grader transition from coloring inside the lines to watching her teacher run to cover her with sounds of devastation looming close behind? There were screams and there were tears. And then there was silence.
This should be unimaginable, but it is not. This should be shocking, but it is not. 19 children are dead. Two adults are dead. The crime scene is a school.
Some of the children who lay dead in that school tonight survived three years of school during the pandemic only to be killed by a selfish gunman. Those children have worn masks to school for most of their educational lives. Those children were still at an age where they wanted to make their parents proud. They wanted to impress their teachers. They liked going to school. Learning excited them. Although they lived in a world full of evil – those children existed in a space of innocence and they were blameless.
Adults are supposed to do what is in the best interest of children. That is not the case in this country. The laws are paralyzing, and school tragedy remains inevitable, so long as we have “leaders” who care more about protecting their greed and their politics. The right to bear arms is placing high-powered weapons in the wrong hands. There are more guns in this country than there are people.
Why exactly does a civilian need an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle and high-capacity magazines? Why is it easier to access such a weapon than it is to get a driver’s license? We are spitting on the caskets and kicking dirt on the graves of innocent people by professing gun rights over humanity.
Most of the children who entered that school this morning are alive tonight. Imagine the conversations their parents must have with them in the coming days and weeks. Imagine the trauma that will continue to manifest as the Internet makes their reality even more accessible and visible.
A school shooting should not be a regular occurrence in this country, but it is.
Right now, there are teachers around the country processing the what ifs, the maybes and the could bes. They know that this will happen again. An exhausted first-year teacher was on the verge of returning to the classroom in August and just changed his mind. A veteran teacher was willing to put off retirement for another year and she just changed her mind. There are parents who considered sending their children back to campus after homeschooling since 2020 – but today changed their minds.
It is no accident that I wait until the end of this piece to mention the adults who perished in Robb Elementary today. As a teacher, it is natural to become an afterthought to the children. Despite the constant criticism from the public and the inconsiderate salaries from the state – the children are the original why for teachers.
Eva Mireles spent 17 years putting children first. She died alongside her students today. Irma Garcia, also a veteran teacher - perished in that same classroom. The two women tried to act in the best interest of children even in their final moments.
I remember the day after each school shooting in America during my teaching career. My high school students, many larger in size than myself would ask me if I’d shield them should a shooter enter my classroom. Others would joke that they’d jump out of the window or fight off the shooter. I would always remind them of the school’s protocol should we be under attack, but I was also honest in expressing that none of us can truly say what we would do should it happen to us.
It's minutes away from May 25, 2022. That means that exactly19 years ago, I graduated from high school. I remember tornado drills and fire drills. As a teacher from 2008 – 2021, the lockdown drills are what stand out to me. The way the students would all crowd behind my desk until a police officer opened my door is something I’ll never forget. Although my desk was out of the direct view of the door – the first-floor windows were unavoidable.
Right now, teachers everywhere are imagining the vulnerability of their respective classrooms. How can you blame them?
Earlier today, I shared my belief that EVERY ENTRANCE to EVERY SINGLE SCHOOL in this country should have an armed guard. Someone responded, “I don’t want my child to feel like he’s going to prison every day.”
Well, would you rather be asked to bring a brush to the school to match hair with a body?
We are far beyond the point of a cute and quaint school day. Schools need security similar to that of our airports. Every backpack and briefcase should be scanned, and every entrance should be manned. The added expense to protect our children and school personnel should mean nothing to a country that has $54 billion and counting to send to Ukraine.
This Tuesday quickly became very numbing. Unfortunately, this Tuesday will be remembered from now on as a day of horror.
There are classroom items that haunt teachers after every school shooting:
The sound that a desk chair makes when a student hurries to his feet echoes differently.
The little groove carved into the edge of the desktop cradles a pencil differently.
The wire end that no longer wraps perfectly around a spiral’s edges pokes out a bit more adamantly.
The doorstop digs deeper into the cold and hard white floor.
The jagged bend in the blinds allows for a bit more direct sunlight to beam down on memories of classroom normalcy.
Everything that the teacher reminded the students not to touch the day before no longer seems worth the effort to keep untouched.
You just want the children there – alive.
