Dear White Women

- Contribution by Tired Millennial -

Dear White Women,

It’s me, your girl, Tired Millennial.  Now, I know since I use a pseudonym there is no way to confirm this independently, but I am indeed a white woman. I grew up in a conservative household in what is considered the largest city in East Texas.  While I was around minorities in school, they were not in my advanced classes, and the neighborhoods I lived tended to be racially homogenous. I grew up in the Christian church (Lutheran, not Evangelical), and I know a lot of what you are taught and what you believe.  My fiance is from an even smaller and deeper part of East Texas with a graduating class of 54 and whose town is still a major hotbed for less than stellar racial relations.

So, White Women, let me talk to you, woman to woman.  Someone who knows the values that are taught to you, and the pressures and voices you hear.

Wake. Up.

Sorry, that was a little harsh and to the point.  Let me be a little gentler.

Stop excusing white men for being bad.

Oops, too harsh again.

Stop ignoring minorities and blaming women for bad things happening.

Ouch, OK, let’s back it up a little.  

Now, Tired Millennial, ‘Why so harsh?  Why so angry?’ you may be asking yourself.  The midterms were great for women - many minority women were elected into office.  People came out in droves to vote. There is no reason to be writing angry open letters to the race and gender of one group.

But, I do.  You see, I live in Texas, and we just had a very close race between two senators - Ted Cruz and Beto O'Rourke.  In the end, Ted Cruz won. Looking at the CNN exit polls by race and gender, you see the split very clearly:

Source: https://www.cnn.com/election/2018/exit-polls/texas/senate

Now, being a white woman, this surprises me.  You see, in conservative white culture, there is this domineering overarching idea that white women need to be protected.  You see this idea all the way back in the early days of the South and especially after the Civil War. After all, the Ku Klux Klan and other white supremacy organizations claimed they were trying to protect white women from horrible, evil minorities that wanted to rape them and do unspeakable things to them.

So, Ted Cruz, the man who just two years ago called Donald Trump despicable, came to him begging for support.  Trump even did a rally for him. And Cruz hugged and thanked him. My question is, why? Donald Trump said horrible things about your wife.  Is she not the one white woman, besides maybe your daughters, that should be a line no one should cross? I mean in 2016, Cruz did tell Trump to leave her alone and called him horrible, but now he sings Trump’s praises.  

Fellow white women, is this what you want?  You chose to vote for someone who is such a coward, that wants power so badly, that he would ask for the support of someone who insulted his wife nationally?

Let’s move away from Senator Cruz and move on to something even more recent - Sarah Huckabee Sanders.  Sanders embodies the worst part of white woman culture - the need to lie and make excuses for a man. For those of you outside of the South, white women are expected to listen to the man and do what he wants.  My mother was a strong Army brat and married my father a good old boy from Louisiana 34 years ago. Over the years, her fire has slowly died, and she basically caters everything to my father. She makes excuses for him and other white men who do bad things.  Growing up, we were taught to be careful of making bad choices or bad things would happen to us.

See, that happens to a lot of white women.  If something bad happens to one of us, you feel bad but then you admonish them and shame them.  Example: one of your friends is sexually assaulted. You first hug and support them. Then you talk with your other female friends about all the mistakes she made and how you would never put yourself in that situation that would cause that to happen.  I mean, if you leave your doors unlocked, then you can expect to be robbed.

Now, imagine that mentality, but only on the national stage. About everything.  Thank you Sarah Huckabee Sanders. No matter what Trump says, no matter what evidence there is (like what happened to Jim Acosta), she will lie to cover him.  Over and over again.

He didn’t mean it; he just had too much to drink.

It was my fault for making him angry.

Well, how can you expect someone to control themselves?

See, White Women, we are meaner to each other than even the men are to us.  And do you know why? So we can get some share of equality, some share of protection against bad actors. If you are harsh on other women who make life hard for men, the men will see this and reward you. Women have been doing this to each other for millennia, even if it is not conscious.

And I get it, White Women.  The color of our skin says we get more advantages but that can be canceled out by our gender.  It’s much easier to speak badly on other women if it means we get an advantage and are able to do better for ourselves.

Let me say this again - Wake. Up.

This does not have to be a zero sum game.  You do not have to demonize other women in order to get ahead.  In fact, if you worked with other women and supported them, we as a whole would do a heck of a lot better.

Look, White Women, I get it.  I do. I grew up in a culture that said I was lesser to a man.  I was taught God gave us our roles and not to deviate from them.  I had a mother who wanted us to be strong, but also taught us to basically be subservient to your husband because it was easier than fighting him (plus he could get violent).  

But, siding with White Men is not going to save you. It’s not going to get you the equality you want. If the only way you can get ahead is stepping on other people - sometimes other white women - then is it really worth it?

For this White Woman, the answer is no.  What will it be for you?

Signed,

Tired Millennial