How are You Loving Yourself During Lockdown?
Like most people, I have some extra time on my hands these days. Today I stumbled on a photo that I tried to hide for so long.
The cover image is of my fellow journalist buddy Phebe, NBA player Victor Oladipo and myself.
Even though this capture was of a great moment, with one of my favorite basketball players - I never wanted to share it with the world.
That day was March 7, 2015 - my 30th birthday. I was in Orlando, Florida - covering Steve Harvey's Disney Dreamers Academy. I was having a great time working with other journalists from around the country and interviewing celebrity after celebrity. I was hiving the time of my life and at the same time fighting a battle with my waistline. I was near my highest weight ever – about 220 pounds.
At 5 foot 6 inches, I was terribly overweight and uncomfortable in my own body. For most of my life, in fact my weight has fluctuated. I tried everything to get to a more comfortable size.
Today, I'm still the 5 foot and 6 inches that I was in the 10th grade, but I'm at a much more comfortable 180 pounds. I’m still not exactly where I want to be, nor where doctors say I should be – but I’m grateful for the progress of my journey thus far.
Yesterday I cried because I could feel my body expanding during this quarantine here in Dallas. While the world is trying to defeat COVID-19, I’m trying not to gain a ton of weight. It's not that I'm making poor selections in food, but I've never been good with idle time.
Right now I can't go to campus to teach my students. I can't conduct my photo shoots with my clients. I can't walk out of my apartment and go for a walk around downtown as freely. My routine has come to a screeching halt.
Friday morning, my mind began playing tricks on me. My Spring Break ended a week ago, making today a full two weeks that I’ve spent the majority of my time inside. I typically weigh myself every morning, despite the urgings of every trainer I've ever had not to do so. I was afraid that the cookies, the sneak fries and the horrible sleep pattern I've developed over the last two weeks would have me weighing in at 200 pounds.
I was wrong. The scale is still cool with me, but I had to take a moment to remember what helped me lose the weight in the first place.
Being kind to myself made me lose the weight.
Yes, I gave up red meat and alcohol. Yes, I started working out more frequently in the last year. But it was the moment I decided to celebrate my progress that I stopped falling victim to stress-induced weight gain.
In recent years I've discovered yoga, meditation and a few other things to calm my nerves. But nothing and I do mean nothing has done more for my body’s transformation than me being kinder to myself.
Once I realized how far I've come, I was able to hear the voices around me desperately looking for encouragement. I'm no fitness expert, but I make it a habit to share a daily workout with my friends via text. I'm no nutritionist, but when my student said in the middle of class that she hated her size, we dropped the curriculum and came up with a healthier plan for better food options (with the help of Google).
The truth is, the only expertise I own in the weight loss journey is this - I drink 1.5 to 2 gallons of water every single day. I don't drink soda anymore - haven't for three years and have no desire to return to it. Still, that didn't stop me from getting kidney stones last month. Medical professionals say I need to have a Gatorade once every other day for the electrolytes - Mind-blowing, right?
I clearly don’t know of a magic fix when it comes to losing weight, but I do know that negative self-talk and a defeatist attitude never made me lose weight.
I would like to be 165 pounds before this very interesting year comes to a close. Perhaps this quarantine will produce some mixed emotions, but I refuse to let it set me back emotionally.
How are you loving yourself during the lockdown?
