Why We Should Invest More Time in Our Teenagers...

Like most teachers, I too am often guilty of sharing my disinterest in going to work after long weekends and holidays. For me, however, that has little to do with the children. The routine of work can become monotonous, but at the end of each school day, I can still say that I love cultivating the minds of young people.

I realized something about teenagers over the last week. Many of them feel like they are burdens to the adults around them.

"Miss, my mom was so happy for school to start back so I could get out of the house." 

"My grandma said we ate too much of her food during the break."

"Miss, I bet ya'll (teachers) get so sick of us." (every time the class clown makes a joke)

Often times we brush them off as jokes. We assume that our teens are just at that age where everything is whatever and anything is just something. We are wrong. They internalize everything. This is the age where they are less sure of themselves than they were as small children.

Some of the most talkative students in class are those who know no one will listen to them at home. Many teenagers realize the hard work that their parents dedicate to their careers and businesses to take care of them. They don’t want to be a burden, which is why so many of them take on ventures before they’re ready. Let us remember the helpless story of Bryce Gowdy two weeks ago. This young man couldn’t help correct his family’s state of homelessness, and inevitably took his own life.

Not all teenagers are spoiled and entitled – many realize just how fortunate they are to have food, clothing and shelter so they try to stay out of the way.

“Staying out of the way,” looks different in 2020 than it did in 1990.

Our children have a very confusing and influential world in their palms. They have means of making money that keep them from asking their parents for extra cash. When many of them are confused or questioning, they consult their devices before walking into the next room.

Each day, I see stones thrown at this generation. Yes, these children are different. They have a different world; different voices in their ears and different distractions. Most of them are not by default bad, but just without enough to keep them positively busy.

I’m going to take a big risk here, and as a non-parent I’m going to offer some suggestions. Humor me.

Last night when news and video broke of a shooting at a high school basketball game here in Dallas, I sat in my kitchen and I wanted to cry. It wasn’t the idea that there was yet another senseless shooting here in Dallas, but I was all too certain that the same senseless and illogical discussions would follow.

I was happy to see so many parents post "this is why I don't let my kids go anywhere." Although that response carries a narrative of paranoia - it's what we need in today's world.

We need more parents keeping their children close. Don’t confuse that with coddling or being overbearing. Your teenagers should want to be around you and the home you’ve created for them more so that in the streets or with other parties whose intentions are unknown.

It's hard being a parent in this country. America is set up for you to work until you die. Working hard has misled us where parenting is concerned. We say "hardworking parents" dozens of times per week. Let’s be honest - feeding, clothing and providing a home is the new ‘stellar parenting’ because unfortunately so many children don't receive what should be basic necessities.

Again, I came to a realization about teenagers this week. Most of them aren't bad. They're bored. They're waiting for someone to take consistent interest in them. They want someone to ask them questions about their thoughts and listen to their confusions.

We're too busy sending our teenagers away to events, the mall, basketball games, school or just out of the house. Broke teenagers walking the mall has never been a good thing. Unsupervised teenagers at sporting events has never been a good thing. School should be a place where reared children are sent to be taught, not where children are sent needing to be both reared and taught.

Parents should be creating environments of activity and entertainment for teenagers so that they don't seek these things elsewhere. When they wake up on a non school day, it should be "mom/dad, what are we doing today?” - as opposed to "I'll be back later," followed by them walking out of the house.

Before you write me off with your "I have to work" counter statement, I know you have to work. So do I, several jobs in fact - which is why I've made the intentional decision to not have children as of yet. If I have a teenager, something about my hectic schedule must change. Children should encourage a forever change in the agendas of the adults responsible for them. Whether they were planned or unplanned - they are here now. Whether you despise their other parent or not - they are here now. Whether your career pays you just enough to get by with multiple children or not - they are here now and that is not their burden to carry.

Give your teenagers structure, a safe haven and less time to just be "out of your hair."

I love to hear students say that they played Xbox all weekend or swept up at mom’s salon all day Saturday.

Believe it or not many of our teenagers are afraid of being killed. They'd like to be home, safe and with people who take genuine interest in them. They may resent it, but many teens will love and appreciate a “no” moreso than limitless freedom. An involved parent sometimes has to make a teenager uncomfortable. Checking a backpack in your home is not an invasion of privacy. The guns we see in Snapchat and Instagram videos are often captured in homes where adults are just feet away.

I’m sure someone will have a problem with my last statement, but those are the same parents who take issue with random searches and phone confiscation at school. I’ll move on.

Of course in today's society you can be killed while at home. That’s another story for another time. If we did a better job, however, of keeping our teenagers entertained and purposefully busy – maybe, just maybe there wouldn't be as many teen aged cowards in the streets firing at random.

We can teach teenagers to value life. As adults, we must first instill in young people the value of quality time spent building healthy relationships and productive activity. I say “we” because the Utopian desires of my heart are that we can one day reestablish “the village,” but please know that none of the aforementioned lessons are included in any teacher’s state-mandated curriculum.

It all starts and ends at home, however that home may look.