Why Do We Clap Loudest When Black Women Submit?

Why do the masses get so excited when black women share that they've submitted themselves to men?

I'll never understand it.

This week Fantasia Barrino appeared on The Breakfast Club to discuss her new music, life in general and of course the man in her life. In an unexpected conversational twist, the artist began to share her views on how modern women should be more submissive to their partners.

“Most women are trying to be the leader - that’s why you can’t find a man,” she told hosts DJ Envy and Angela Yee. “You can’t be the king in the house. Fall back and be the queen and let your man lead the way.”

Within a breath of airtime and a quick blink of an eye, social media was abuzz. While many disagreed with the artist, some of the same people who have mocked Barrino her entire career immediately began to celebrate her.

The entirety of her interview takes me to a place where I don’t want to be in this moment, but it’s important to note that Fantasia not only accused women of wrongfully trying to be leaders in their respective homes, but she even went as far as to suggest that some independent women are too masculine in the courting stage.

So much to unpack here, but the basis is: Fantasia submits to her man and all of a sudden she is worth defending.

Over the last 72 hours I’ve read several Facebook posts by black women insisting that Fantasia was spot on in her interview.

A big OUCH at the fact that Fantasia – a mother of a daughter can fix her mouth to utter the words “that’s why you can’t find a man.” But this piece is not an attack on the artist, so I digress.

Here you have Fantasia: able to overcome poverty, embrace single-motherhood, triumph over illiteracy and conquer Hollywood as a talented black woman with minimal resources. Yet, so much of the black community only praised her when she said she submitted to a man.

I grew up in church. I know the scriptures. I also know that I’ve never desired to be any man's wife because I could never be comfortable with the idea of possibly being the intellectual superior, being the financially more attractive, being capable of dealing with my monthly indicators of womanhood all on my own - yet still allowing a man to call himself my leader.

In my 34 years on this earth, I’ve watched so many women accomplish so many things only to finally be celebrated when they chilled their efforts, became a man’s wife and willingly submitted to him.

How insulting. 

That man may love her. That man may have her absolute best interest at heart. He may be doing exactly what God called him to do for her. But my God, why is this the first time so many of you want to celebrate Fantasia?

“She’s right.”

“You single women don’t get it, but Fantasia is so right.”

“That’s what’s wrong with the black community –

too many women don’t know their place.”

Is that really the most pressing issue within the black community? – The fact that too many black women don’t know how to relinquish power to black men, many of who don’t even want such power… 

Have you considered that maybe it’s easy for Fantasia’s husband to come into a financially secure woman’s life and “lead” that stable woman? Would he still celebrate being a “leader” to Fantasia if she were a liability or a woman that he had to provide for financially? Or would he, like so many men then resent her for actually “needing” him? 

So many have made it a daily practice to ask single women when we will wed. We can cross every stage, start several companies, put others in power positions – but too often our peers will only clap when black women become a man’s wife.

If you didn’t know, you can tell the quality of a people by how they treat their women.