“Hey Victoria! I’m so excited to share with you Mindy’s story! 6 months ago she started her journey here. Now she lost 43lbs and is still going strong! Be like Mindy! Execute and dominate! You got this! Let me know what I can do to help!”
I stared at this text message on my phone for a little while. It came from my gym with a lovely before-and-after picture of Mindy.
“Be like Mindy!” followed me around as I taught three classes of seniors. It followed me around as I tried to set my own insecurities aside and help students think creatively.
I’m happy for Mindy. I’m proud of Mindy and what she’s accomplished. I hope that Mindy is proud of Mindy, too.
But I’ve also been Mindy. I’ve worked hard and lost the 43 pounds. I’ve also gained it back. And lost some. And gained some. And lost some. And gained some.
This is what I’ve learned: I have been happy at five sizes smaller. I have also been depressed at five sizes smaller. I have felt slim two sizes larger, and I have felt fat four sizes smaller. I have been very healthy at three sizes smaller and had great wellness habits. I’ve also been four sizes smaller while not exercising and eating a terrible diet.
My size does not correlate with my overall physical or mental health.
I recently joined this gym because I don’t feel physically fit, and I have struggled to incorporate regular movement in my life since I changed careers last year. I take medication for anxiety and depression and I know that regular movement helps mitigate my symptoms. I also know that as a woman who is about to enter my thirties that I will begin to experience muscle loss each year if I don’t challenge myself to keep my strength up. My fiancé and I hope to have kids in a few years, and I want the energy to chase those kids around and be the best parent I can be.
These are my goals, not the goals my gym laid out for me, and not Mindy’s goals. It is possible that regular exercise will come with outward body changes. It is also possible that it won’t. I am okay with that.
Perhaps that’s what people find so utterly perplexing: I am an overweight woman who doesn’t feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me. I don’t feel like I need fixing.
I don’t need you to give me a solution, because there is no problem.
I don’t need you to empower me with weight loss, because I am already empowered by the body I have.
I don’t need you to sell me on “a better me” because I already love the me that I am. It’s the same me that has weighed sixty pounds less and twenty pounds more.
I am not a before picture waiting for you to show me the way to my after.
All women, not just overweight women, need space to work out and feel strong and enjoy a community of health-oriented individuals without the pressure of weight loss. We need space to love our bodies through movement. We need to feel the benefits of physical activity without the pressure of perfection. We will not get these things if we don’t make room for them.
I took a deep breath and responded to my gym’s text. “Thank you. I’m not trying to lose weight. I just want a supportive place where I can work out and be challenged.”
