Ayesha Curry Doesn’t Want to be Invisible

World stop.

Ayesha Curry says she would like some male attention every once in awhile. How could she be so selfish? What is her problem? She has all the money she could ever want? She has a great following, celebrity and once again – money.

But her husband constantly has the attention of women everywhere. She’d like to know how such attention from males feels.

Social media has been abuzz for the last few days, discussing the undertones of Mrs. Curry’s most recent statement. Yes, I had to sit myself down and watch Red Table Talk for the first time to make sure that I wasn’t missing anything.

Curry, sitting with her mother in law, her sister in law and her future sister in law – discussed being a Curry with Jada Pinkett-Smith on the popular Facebook show. At maybe the midpoint of the broadcast, Curry reluctantly revealed that sometimes she longs for male attention in the same way that her husband receives unsolicited attention from women. She even admitted that the lack of attention has made her question herself.

Shame on her - right?

“Stone her” seems to be the early consensus via social media.

How dare she not be happy just being Mrs. Curry? 

How dare she not just be grateful to have the attention of one prominent man?

Why doesn’t she understand that men aren’t approaching her because of their

respect for her husband?

Blah, blah, blah, blah blah.

Now, don’t get me wrong – it’s rare that I come to the defense of those with more money than myself. In this case, however, I see Ayesha Curry being vulnerable about a very real dynamic in marriage.

She doesn’t want to become invisible. 

Perhaps you hadn’t really Googled her until this week. Maybe you just knew of her as NBA champion Stephen Curry’s wife. Or maybe you regarded her as simply the lucky woman Steph picked, who now gets to sit next to his mother at Golden State games.

Ayesha Curry is a celebrity cook, a published author and a television personality. She doesn’t want men drooling over her. What she wants is to not become invisible. She wants to be beautiful and not just her husband’s beautiful wife. She probably wants to be a phenomenal cook, mom and mentor without her accomplishments becoming an afterthought to her husband’s name.

I know what you’re thinking – “she knew what she signed up for,” and “at least she gets to enjoy the lifestyle of the rich and famous.” Consider this, as both time and multiple celebrity overdoses and suicides continues to prove – money doesn’t buy peace of mind.”

Curry boasts pictures of her family. She shares clips of her life that suggest she has it all and that she’s happy. And then she sat with her extended family of Curry women and revealed in a matter of seconds that her beautiful life isn’t perfect after all. 

Ayesha Curry made the mistake of thinking she could be vulnerable with the court of public opinion. She tap danced around a very relevant insecurity that many women have when society reduces them to effective mothers, effective wives and effective businesswoman as opposed to simply influential beings.

She is all of 30 years old. She has birthed three children. She sleeps with the same man she dated at 15 and as an undergrad. Her husband is celebrated as a man, and applauded for being a doting father and a loving spouse. Society wants her to shut up and be happy because even as she lay, rise and walk red carpets in her insecurities – she is still wealthy.

Let’s imagine for a moment that Stephen Curry was one of the more unattractive men in the NBA with a beautiful wife. Consider thirsty and disgustingly forward males posted all over his wife’s social media pages, some even men with celebrity status. If Stephen Curry were to hint: “it’d be nice to get some attention like my wife,” how would he be treated? Would social media make mocking memes about him, suggesting he focus on his children, his career and how good he has it?

We want women to be happy when everything on the surface suggests they are well taken care of. A man “chose” Ayesha, so she should forever and always be fulfilled with his selection and the attention he’s willing to offer her. This is the narrative that society tries to impress upon women.

Suddenly, many with decent intentions are tweeting Curry compliments, telling her that she is beautiful and trying to reassure her of her value. Even decent intentions can be insulting. The woman never said she found herself unattractive. She has never censored herself or presented herself as unintelligible. She was forthcoming with information that clearly bothered her. The closest person to her – her husband receives unwarranted attention and sometimes she wonders why she doesn’t.

Ayesha is saying to those willing to listen that she (like most women) has from time to time questioned herself for a variety of reasons. I don’t personally know what it’s like to endure three pregnancies, to suffer through three labors and I can’t imagine nursing one child, let alone three children.

Did we ever consider the fact that her anxiety is through the roof? Postpartum depression is a very real thing. As Ayesha sat around that red table, it didn’t appear she was looking for sympathy. She wasn’t even ranting. Her one statement was simply too pure and too honest for the public. It is interesting to know that wealthy women aren’t allowed to complain, just like us down here in the middle class.

Ironically Ayesha was chatting with a Jada Pinkett-Smith whose career changed drastically once she became Will Smith’s wife. I’ll debate with anyone that Jada took a backseat to the Fresh Prince after their union. Whether it was by choice or by force, it happened.

“Set it Off” and “A Different World” Jada became a “support my husband and collaborate on projects where he is featured” Jada. Once again, she could’ve been perfectly satisfied with the transition, however, this is what many women sacrifice because society so often enthralls the man into the forefront and bashes the women who don’t oblige the ride or die rhetoric.

Before you go calling Ayesha an “attention whore,” remember the purpose of social media. We post what we want people to see. We subconsciously want people to “like” our content. We are the vice and we prompt the ridicule one share at a time.

If a woman posts herself in a thong - she wants attention. If a woman posts herself in her cap and gown – she’s bragging. If a woman posts herself with her first million-dollar check – she’s intimidating men.

If a woman says that she’d like to receive some male attention – WORLD STOP.