Amber Gets Hugs, Botham Gets Shared Memories
This Sunday morning in Dallas – more church congregations than not will use Brandt Jean as a reference point in sermons about the spirit of forgiveness. They will sing the praises of the late Botham Jean’s brother for being the “bigger person.” He will be an example for decades about the influence that love has on our world.
Not one non-black church congregation will speak on the absolute fact that being a racist will land you in the most sweltering corner of hell. Since we’re in the spirit of discussing wrongdoing and forgivable behaviors, let me offer this - hating people based on the color of their skin is wrong. It will always be wrong.
If you find any of the aforementioned hard to believe – please stop reading now.
Vengeance is not ours, according to Romans 12:19. We know this – which is why a justly upset black person won’t murder Amber Guyger. We are to also abide by the laws of the land, as stated in Romans 13: 1-2. The laws of the land are supposed to protect the people of that land, but such practice has never been equal and fair.
Throughout the history of this nation, black people have been lauded to forgive; celebrated for being forgiving and constantly encouraged to deal with and move on from traumas in order to fully experience lives where much forgiveness awaits.
While we are not oppressed, that is the very definition of oppression.
Perhaps Botham Jean’s family is better at forgiving that many of us. Perhaps after one year to process the tragic and undeserved murder of their loved one – the family was more prepared to wish his killer well as she begins an abbreviated prison stay.
The world saw a hug. The world will replay Brandt Jean telling Guyger that he loved her and embracing her.
What I saw were white tears and black forgiveness. Again. That hug could’ve been the first time Guyger ever willingly hugged a black person. That hug could change her perception of black people, but it is not now nor has it ever been our duty to influence the way that white people feel about us.
Amber Guyger could’ve very well been the example that could change the mismanagement of white privilege concerning crime in this country.
She killed an innocent man in his home and tried at every stop to paint herself the victim. Text messages and social media posts prove that she reserved biases and prejudices toward black people.
Jean was by all accounts the untainted black man – no record, no drama, no parade of children, likable, articulate, charismatic, dependable and friendly. No one deserves what happened to Jean, but he was a victim whose character was by all estimations impenetrable.
This was the perfect case to throw a guilty white woman under the jail, rip her character to pieces and finally call the spade a racist in the name of the law.
The jury that would have us prematurely celebrate a murder conviction on Tuesday afternoon has left us in tears on Wednesday. Guyger has been assigned a 10 year sentence, most of which she will not likely serve behind bars. In ten years, the former police officer will still be in her early 40s. She will be able to pick a new country and start a new life.
I am very much a proud Christian, but I know that black people’s passion for Christ often makes us more susceptible to mistreatment. True Christianity is beautiful in an ugly world, however, we don’t do our children any favors when we just teach them to always be prepared to forgive.
Just 48 hours after Guyger killed Jean, she texted her partner about going out for beer. Perhaps her remorse was just in a waiting place. For all we know she enjoyed several nights of Netflix, Spotify and popcorn on a couch somewhere in protective custody over the course of one year. Her rehearsed tears were queued when the courtroom became a reality and the cameras stared deeply into her diminishing eyes.
As a teacher I’m constantly asking myself what message our adult behaviors are sending to children. Turn the other cheek until your back is to them, so that they can kick you directly is the consensus I get when I speak to many of our black children who carry around defeatist attitudes.
Each day I push myself to respond as oppose to react. I try not to labor on the mistreatments and misfortunes of people who look like me, but we need to be honest with ourselves and more selfish with our spirits. Black culture, black power, black forgiveness needs to come with a price tag enveloped in respect and fair treatment.
As much as I want to avoid a narrative switch, I can’t help but wonder just how many years Jean would be facing had he entered #1378, as opposed to #1478 - in a building that apparently is hard to navigate for non-black persons.
Had Jean shot and killed an unassuming Guyger, would her sister ask to hug him and wish his family well? Or would the Guyger family be justified in their rage? Mistake or not, ten years is not enough for killing someone in cold blood – especially in a country where people serve double that amount of time for selling the same marijuana that is now legal in almost half of the country.
We prayed when Botham was murdered. We prayed during protests in his honor. We’ll do the same in the next few months when another one of us perishes at the hand of a trigger-happy white American. Tonight, however, I’m going to pray a different prayer.
I’m praying for the souls of black folks and that Heaven will be full of such black folks.
Brandt Jean is a remarkable young man. I don’t blame him for his public forgiveness of Guyger. He knows just as well as the rest of us that wishing her evil won’t return his brother to human form. Hopefully his gesture will tap dance all over the heart of Guyger as she lay on her cot each night.
Amber got hugs in that courtroom today; she got sympathy and well wishes. Botham gets memories shared about him, partial justice and no more hugs.
Whether we care to acknowledge it or not - black forgiveness is both encouraged and celebrated because it means “controlled niggers.”
