“Have You Ever Wondered Why We Always Expect a Woman to Have Her Children in Tow?”

Last night I enjoyed Taco Tuesday with some of my neighbors in our building's bar.

What we heard moments into our conversation was not typical bar noise, but children at play. In the corridor situated between the bar and an adjacent gym, two children maybe ages four and five laughed together as they colored.

There was no adult in sight.

We felt obligated to check on the children, especially when the laughing ceased for a bit and we could no longer hear little feet circling the couch where two backpacks were resting.

The small boy had taken his even smaller sister to the restroom. It turns out their mother was in the gym working out – a very private gym with absolutely no play area for children. The woman was there for at least 90 minutes. While the children never left the corridor or ventured outside into the streets of a busy downtown Dallas, they were out of her view for the greater part of 90 minutes.

Anything could have happened, but that's not what this story is about.

These moments prompted one of the more unusual bar discussions I can remember in my two years at this building. This particular mother may very well be a single mom. Or she may live in the same home with her husband and the children's father. Let's just assume the father is present.

Have you ever wondered why we always expect women to have their children in tow? And have you ever thought how ridiculous it is that some women have to take their children to certain places?

As our conversation heated up at the bar, one lady shared how her makeup artist has her children at every photo shoot. A car salesman recalled a woman having to leave in the middle of a new car purchase because her two children kept running around the car lot, hiding from one another. A resident who works in a Dallas court shared that he sees mothers with small children entering for jury duty or to pay fines each day.

Within the last month I've seen women with their children at the nail shop, at a baby shower, at the massage parlor and in the hair salon (not getting their hair serviced).

Most of the children were not unruly and most of the mothers didn’t even seem fazed by their presence. But you have to wonder why this is the norm. I’ve seen the looks some mothers get for having to bring their children into some not so child-friendly places. If I’m honest I’ve removed cucumbers from my eyelids and given some looks when I hear children at play in the spa.

In 2019, with just as many female entrepreneurs as male entrepreneurs – why is it that women who make children with husbands and boyfriends are still having to take their children with them every single place that they go?

We live in a society that is so quick to mock women who are out and about without their children. “You can never trust a woman who doesn’t have her kids” is what you all post on social media.  But you walk right past the guys you know, never thinking twice about the ‘father’ at the club on a Wednesday night; the ‘father’ at every Friday night football game without his children; the ‘father’ hanging out at the barbershop less his children.

If I’m honest, I rejoice inside when I see men walking with their children in the mall. I love to see a father and child eating together in the corner of the restaurant. It’s such a beautiful sight to see a father and his children at a baseball game. But then I’m reminded that those are normal outings where children are welcome.

The nail shops, a baby shower, a gym with no area for children to play – none of these are spaces for children. And there is no reason a woman should have to bring children to these places if there is a spouse or co-parent in the picture.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with women wanting their children around all of the time. I grew up at my mother’s hip and wouldn’t have had it any other way. But Ladies, don’t make children with men you don’t believe are responsible enough to care for children alone.  

My neighbors and I became unofficial babysitters last night, because a mother wanted to work out. Yes, she knowingly joined a gym that is not kid-friendly, but she is a prime example of active women attempting to be active with active children. I don’t blame her for her decision last night, but had those children been kidnapped – just imagine the storyline. Imagine how both the court of public opinion and mainstream media would portray her.

The only solution can’t be to keep women cooped up in the home. Children need exposure to the outside, to adventure and to see opportunity before them.

Perhaps more women just need to walk out of the house, telling hubby and children that they’ll be back in a few hours.